It was a Saturday night very much like the one I wrote about last year, in "Hot Wives, MFM, and the uninitiated Single Male". That was a night where we had a very sexy encounter with a single male at a bar, not a swinger event, but one that was nevertheless exciting and full of possibilities.
This time I came away with different thoughts. I found myself - for just a moment - having feelings that took me back to the topic I wrote about in "Jealousy and Arousal, two sides of the same coin"? While that was happening, I thought to myself... "why did I just have a twinge of jealousy and insecurity"? I am experienced in such scenarios by now, so that shouldn't happen! But, it made me think that there's a lesson and a learning opportunity here. For couples interested in exploring the lifestyle in any way, whether it's soft-swap, full-swap, MFM... or HotWife.
We have met a lot of "newbies", both in person and on sites such as Kasidie. Heck, we look at our own explorations as a never ending process. We are still newbies to many things too. Everyone is a newbie to something. I think it is true for most couples starting their own sexual explorations, that jealousy is the biggest obstacle to overcome.
I deliberately use the word exploration, because that is what I think this should be all about, above and beyond whether you become a "swinger" or not. Yes, some people dive right into full-swap, but that is just not us. I think that couples who are just considering opening up their sex lives, in any way beyond "vanilla", often have the impression that is what the lifestyle is all about. Most swinger clubs will say they have a no pressure environment, but the first time can still produce a lot of anxiety for newbies.
The theme in the Kasidie online community is about being "sexually social". I love that! No pressure. You can experience being sexually social in whatever way you want. However you feel comfortable, it is very liberating.
So.. back to that Saturday night a few weeks ago.
It was great fun as the club filled up later into the evening. Leila and I enjoyed the music and the vibe, the people watching, and she had fun flirting with the bartenders. I love when she gets that gleam in here eye, and she had it for both of the lucky studs on the other side of the bar. I am fortunate to have a very extroverted, as well as incredibly alluring Hot Wife. She will initiate contact with men! If they only knew!
As in the uninitiated single male story, in these non-lifestyle scenarios, most men who my sexy wife approaches, especially seeing that she is with me, are kind of dumbfounded about how to react. That's understandable. Nevertheless, I could see that everyone we interacted with that night was enjoying the encounter. Leila just loves to meet new people.
After a while, we had small groups of guys (mostly) around us, just having drinks together and looking for single women to meet. Leila chatted with a few, and even offered them a bowl of chips from the bar where we sat. Awesome ice breaker! She knows how to make friends quickly.
That was about it for the few hours we were there, until Leila said to me - "I want to go talk to that guy at the other end of the bar. Is that OK?" Apparently there was a guy who had been standing closer to us earlier in the evening, undoubtedly too shy to approach, and she found him to be attractive. Her request excited me. It was getting late, but I very much want her to feel free to express her desires. Of course I said yes!
It was a bit of a new experience though. We generally don't separate when we play, though this was a vanilla bar and we had no expectations of anything but a flirtatious conversation. She had never asked me something like that, even though she has had plenty of encounters when I was not present. (See Prelude to a HotWife Date, for example). It felt different when I was actually there.
I was looking forward to seeing what she could get going. At least I knew it got her juices flowing! It would be hot to watch her from a safe distance.
My brief twinge of jealousy and insecurity came when I looked down the bar, and she wasn't there. I recalled the guy she was going to chat with, from her description, but I didn't see either of them at the bar. I was fine with her going to chat with a guy, but was concerned that I didn't know where she was. I "knew" she wouldn't go off somewhere with a stranger.
It took a few minutes of scanning the dance floor and bar, but a few minutes later I saw them standing in a less crowded spot near the restrooms. We gave each other our secret signal (not going to tell you what that is), and I enjoyed seeing him respond to her standing close as they talked. I could see her press her breast into his arm, just as she had with me earlier. God that turns me on! I also loved seeing her big smile light up the room!
After a while, as they were still engrossed in conversation, I needed to go to the men's room. Leila didn't even see me as I passed her. It was hot surreptitiously grabbing her ass as I passed on my way out. She told me later she didn't know it was me.
They talked for maybe fifteen to twenty minutes.. then Leila came back across the dance floor. In a nutshell.. they had a nice chat.. and she answered one of his questions honestly, telling him she was there with her husband. She gave him an open invitation when she said "you should be out on the dance floor", but he didn't pick up on it.
My takeaway from our very vanilla story is this. If you are the male half of a couple who are considering exploring a more sexually social lifestyle, the scenario I described is a great way to check your jealousy meter as a starting point. Your wife may not be as forward as Leila, but you can go out to a bar together with your sexy wife, then step back and giver her some space.
- Are you comfortable with other guys approaching her? With her enjoying the encounters?
- This could be a good test for your wife as well, to see if she is comfortable engaging with other men, even in a vanilla setting. It could have been a long time since she was "single" and free to flirt with other men.
Being sexually social is such fun!!!
p.s. If you are not already a member of Kasidie, click through on the "Sexually Social" ad in our sidebar, to get a free 30 day trial membership.