Monday, March 18, 2013

Stimulate her mind... and the rest will follow.

Shortly after our last blog post, we received an email from a reader on Kasidie, a gentleman who we did not know before. He is from the East coast, but said that he had enjoyed our blog and was visiting our part of the world in Silicon Valley on business, and would love to learn more about us. We are usually reluctant to engage with out-of-town SMs, because such visits are not conducive to establishing a connection. If you read "How to be a SM FWB", you know that is important to us. Also, traveling SMs often expect to make their time "worthwhile", which is contrary to our our Tip #2 - "Any woman worth having is worth waiting for". Whenever we meet people it is with no expectations, and short visits from out-of-towners can create unwanted pressure. Another reason for our reluctance is - and let's be honest - there are a lot of married men just looking to play around while they are on the road. We aren't interested in helping men cheat on their wives.

However, in his email "Jake" communicated exceptionally well regarding his views on the role of the SM in HotWife MFM play. We appeared to be very much in alignment, and he made it clear that he believed in what we said in our very first post here, "It's not about you".  He also said that he had prior MFM experiences, which could be interesting to learn more about.

Nevertheless, my expectations were not high when I wrote a short reply to Jake, thanking him for his email, asking him to share his thoughts on our blog, and to say more about his experiences. It turned out that I was much too cynical this time. Jake took the time to write a very articulate and thoughtful response to my questions, in which he showed that he read our blog attentively, and he shared with us how it resonated with him.

Guys... there is just no substitute for intelligence, but even if you don't think that you write well, at least take the time to spell check and give some thought to what you are trying to communicate. Quality shows.

Jake also clearly understood that "The fastest way to connect with a HotWife is to make a connection with her husband". I can't overemphasize the importance of that. In his prior MFM relationship, he said that he would sometimes just hang out and have a beer with the husband.  He shared our belief in the importance of chemistry, and how erotic it can be to build up sexual tension over time.  Above all of that, these comments really stood out from Jake's email:
I loved being part of bringing the two of them together. While I only played with her, the effect it had on him and on THEM was so hot for me.
I think that may be the first time we have seen a SM express that. Such great respect for the husband-HotWife relationship, along with the ability to enjoy both vicarious and in-person experiences, says a lot.  Of course he also mentioned how attractive Leila's pictures are, but that was just one aspect of the attraction for him. I couldn't help but respond, and continue to explore the possible connection the three of us could develop.

After exchanging a few emails, Jake and I chatted live via Yahoo Messenger. He was hoping that we could join him or a drink, but it was an exceptionally busy work week for Leila. Also, she preferred to get to know him a little better first, via the safe confines of online chat. Later that evening, they also connected on Yahoo, and immediately struck up an easy conversation. When Leila finds a man to be interesting and attractive, she loves to find out more about them. She and Jake were getting better acquainted, while he deftly turned on the charm. Leila was being seduced... and she loved it!
Leila: I would like to chat with you a bit, to get to know more about you
Jake: I'm looking at that pic of you, with that huge sexy smile
Jake: Has me sooooo curious
Jake: And intrigued.
Leila: about...?
Jake: Intrigued about you. How you move.
Jake: The sparkle of your eyes
Jake: The body language between you and Mike
Leila: interesting - no one has quite put it that way before
Jake: When a sensual woman is truly comfortable and loved, she moves in this confident and graceful way
Jake: That is such a turn on
Leila: <smile>
Even though he was chatting just with Leila, Jake wisely kept me part of their conversation  They spoke of New Connection Energy, and the conversation heated up rapidly.
Leila: we'd love to have a drink with you sometime
Jake: Sounds delightful
Jake: A little flirting and laughing
Jake: The idea of making that connection while Mike supports and encourages you is such a rush
Leila: it's something we discovered
Leila: and enjoy
Jake: I can almost picture you both in my room right now. Mike looking on as I sit close and we explore our first kiss.
Jake: You can almost FEEL his pulse quicken as our hands begin to explore one another
Leila: he just came over and gave me a kiss
Jake: Mmm... I like how supportive he is of you exploring your sensual power
Leila: yes, he loves it
Leila: I’m
Leila: naughty
Leila: sensual
Leila: sexual
Jake: He can tell you're getting aroused, can't he?
Leila: oh yeah
Confidence is Tip #8 on our list of tips for SMs, and Jake clearly conveyed that in his chat with Leila. Hopefully, all of you SM readers will take these tips to heart. They really work!

Jake also showed that he embraced our Tip #10 as well: Understand what it means to enjoy HotWives at all of the levels that the "lifestyle" can offerIf we couldn't meet in person that evening, we could do other things that are also very arousing, and known to lead to very intense orgasms.
Jake: Imagining how my hands might feel, how I kiss?
Jake: How I'd look into those naughty, sensual, and sexual eyes?
Leila: tease....
Jake: I don't tease Leila
Jake: I deliver
Leila: you're quite
Leila: ...charming
Leila: and... you are quite adept at seduction
Jake: Mmmm... Touching yourself yet Leila? Or just squirming in the chair?
Leila: do you like talking on the phone?
Jake: I do
Jake: You didn't answer my question
Leila: I’m squirming
Jake: Is that gorgeous body of yours starting to feel the tingle Leila?
Leila: I’m well past tingle... to throbbing
Leila: pleasantly throbbing
Jake: mmm... I can tell that throbbing is building
Leila: and tell me what is going on for you right now....
Jake: I've got that sparkle in my eyes that comes from knowing I'm turning you on
Jake: I want to see you gaze at Mike with that look that tells him how much you're going to enjoy sucking and fucking me
Leila: licking my lips thinking about that
Leila: siiigh
Jake: difficult to type?
Leila: yeah
Leila: but in a good way
Jake: I like it
Jake: would you prefer to talk, Leila?
Leila: I would enjoy talking on the phone
Jake: if Mike is ok with it, of course
Leila: I need to wrap up a couple things
Leila: then I can talk ok?
The virtual encounter had Leila very aroused, as was I by watching and listening to her. She has a very sexy giggle, and a sparkle in her eyes that comes out whenever she is getting turned on flirting... or playing. Leila looked incredibly beautiful lying in bed naked, as I got my phone ready to dial up Jake. She wanted to have a little one-on-one time with him before sharing the conversation on speaker phone, so I got out some toys to get ready for what I anticipated was to come.

There was laughter, more giggles, and a lot of aroused "Mmmmms" as Jake and I worked in concert.. he aurally... and me.. orally, and with my probing fingers. With Jake now on speaker, I could tell that we were all getting very close to orgasms. My HotWife is very multi-orgasmic, and we lost count of how many times she came, before stopping to catch her breath. She wanted to hear Jake cum... and her moaning and purring had him very close. It didn't take long before he was grunting out his release in his hotel room, while Leila continued from my fucking her by rhythmically plunging a thick dildo into her wetness. Her squirting was leaving a puddle on the bed, but that just turned us on even more.

Jake had an early flight in the morning, and it was getting late, so after about 45 minutes of orgasms we said our good byes... and then went back to making love again... just the two of us. Leila and I were so turned on that I came a second time, while she was left spent and panting from wave after wave of orgasms.

Tip #11: Stimulate her mind... and the rest will follow.

For a first encounter, this was extraordinary. And, it all started with written communication. With words you can open the mind to stimulation of all kinds. You don't need to be a Pulitzer prize winner, but we can all learn to express ourselves honestly, with respect as well as admiration. Give it effort and thought, don't just whip off an email with something like "you're hot"! Always spell check!

To be blunt, we all know that SMs are looking for hot women to have sex with. That is what I would call the least common denominator. Since we all know that, you prove nothing by showing that is all that is on your mind in your initial contact, either directly (as some still do) or implicitly.  You need to rise above it, to show that you are sincerely interested in a woman.

As this experience with Jake showed, phone sex and sex chat can be extremely hot! It is fundamentally safe sex, and it lets a woman open herself up more than she might in a first in-person encounter. This goes both ways, for the SM as well as the HotWife. And as we showed in "How to be a SM FWB", virtual meetings can be great preludes to meeting for real.

Nevertheless, it is important to keep in mind that the first face-to-face meeting is still just that, a first meeting, and not to assume that everything a HotWife may have fantasized will immediately be re-enacted in person. Trust and boundaries still need to be established, and respected.

But what a great way to get her warmed up!

Here is a little audio clip of the "after-party". We've been thinking about adding media to our blog for a while, and are very interested to get your response.

Sunday, March 10, 2013

How to be a SM FWB

SM FWB = a Single-Male Friend With Benefits

The truth is, I really don't care very much for the "friend with benefits" designation. It seems to contradict what draws us to explore the "lifestyle" in the first place, which is to be able to express our sexual identities more freely as an integrated part of the whole persons we are.. not something separate. It is that treatment of sexuality as something forbidden, that must be kept in private, that you don't share or talk about even with your friends, that strikes me as so repressive and hypocritical.

To be sure, we are not so liberated that we open up our sexuality to just anybody. We do live in the real world after all, and our culture just doesn't support that notion. So, the ideal will remain just that, perhaps an unachievable one. Nevertheless, we are drawn more to make friends with people who are sex-positive and comfortable in expressing their sexuality however they choose, even if they are more or less adventurous than us.

Though initial attraction can happen very quickly, we are most attracted to the potential of a stronger connection, a friendship with like-minded people. Attraction is never purely physical, and the sexual component is always just one part of that connection.
  • Tip #7: Sexual attraction starts with chemistry, not physics.
So it is for single males in a HotWife MFM situation as well, at least for us. From our experiences,  many SMs apparently don't get that, and they just look at a HotWife as an easy opportunity for sex without the work that goes into having a relationship. I wish I had a dollar for every email that we have received that just says something like, "She's Hot! Want to meet up sometime"?  Nothing about the person, no effort to show us who they are, or that they care who we are.  I've written about this before. Would you approach a single female that way?

The title of this post - "How to be a SM FWB" - embodies a very important tip for SMs. You will be much more likely to have opportunities to enjoy a HotWife, if you behave as the kind of guy that she AND her husband would want as a friend. We know that you would like to have sex with her. Duh! Believe me, there is no shortage of cocks that want my HotWife. Now if you take the extra time to show us that there is an intelligent person attached to yours, you have a much better chance of standing out from the crowd.

We have a great example of how this works to share with you, of a SM we'll call Jack, who exhibited many of the behaviors we have described in our list of tips here. Click on any of the red tips to read the background stories that we published previously:
  • Tip #1: It's not about you!
  • Tip #2: Any woman worth having is worth waiting for.
  • Tip #9: Always focus on the couple and include both in the conversations.
 .. and ..
  • Tip #10: Understand what it means to enjoy HotWives at all of the levels that the "lifestyle" can offer.
We 1st "met" Jack on a lifestyle site one night, when Leila was feeling particularly frisky and decided to chat over webcam... while wearing my favorite sheer black top. (Hint: Our Kasidie friends can enjoy pictures of her from that night in our profile albums). Jack was very appreciative of the hot show she put on, and definitely made the right impression when he wrote to thank us the next day.  There were other guys who enjoyed the show too, but none of them showed the class and intelligence to express their gratitude in such a complimentary fashion.
... the webcam show was steamy, sensual, and oh so naughty indeed.That sheer blouse was such a turn-on, not to mention Leila's luscious lips and radiant smile, everything was so delicious!
After you two left, I had to take matters into my own hand with the thought of touching her through the sheer blouse. Leila, I imagined you reaching out and stroking my hard cock while I tasted your scrumptious firm breasts and you could feel my pre-cum just oozing for attention. I felt your soft yet firm hand on my cock, stroking me with eagerness and anticipation of what's to cum. It wasn't long before I couldn't hold myself back any longer and let go of my lust and cum all over your hand.
From that first online meeting, it would be about 6 weeks before we would meet Jack in person... before he got to experience his fantasy in person. Worth waiting for? I would say so!

In the meantime, Jack and Leila had some very hot fun with sexy chats in Yahoo Messenger.
Jack: so if I may ask, what would your fantasy be when we get together
Leila: so...
Leila: i get really turned on
Leila: turning men on
Leila: just touching them
Jack: OMG, you are a perfect woman
Leila: with my touch, tongue, other parts ;)
Leila: so seeing a man aroused is ..well gets me going
Jack: oooooooh
Jack: that's very sexy
Jack: I would very much like to feel your touch
Leila: so having Mike be inside of me and if I get to touch you - taste you
Leila: YUM
Jack: that's so yummy indeed
Jack: ok I'm hard again :P
Leila: i'm wet -
Jack:  do you mind if I tell you what I'm doing?
Leila:  ohhh please
Jack mmm my cock is out and hard now
Leila:  i like that
Jack:  you have that effect on me :P
Leila:  > :)
Jack: " ""horny"" devil, I like it"
Leila:  ok that is an eviiiil deviiiil
Jack:  me likey
Leila:  lol good
Jack:  I'm stroking slowly as we chat
Leila:  I like that too
Leila:  I want to do that to you
The teasing and online flirting continued, and about a month later we met Jack for drinks at one of our favorite bars... one that had a large parking garage nearby. We all had a great time, and got along very well. After weeks of exquisite yet tortuous foreplay, the buildup of sexual tension demanded a release. So, after enjoying our first meeting in person, the three of us walked back to Jack's car from the bar and Leila got in next to him.

I sat in the back seat as Leila continued her teasing of Jack,  stroking his bulging cock through his pants before sliding down the zipper and taking it in her hand. I watched as she leaned over to take his raging hardon deep into her mouth... giving him the best blow job he ever had (at least until the next time.. <wink>).  Aftwerward, leaving Jack in a daze, Leila and I went home and fucked like animals.  We got Jack on the phone to listen in to the raging passion that Leila would unleash, fantasizing about both him & I fucking her.

Saying last night was memorable is an understatement, I went to bed with a hardon and woke up with a hardon which I had to promptly handle thinking about Leila in my car last night stroking, sucking me.
Then hearing you two going at it on the phone? Leila made me cum 3 times in less than 24 hours! I'm getting another hardon just writing this email!
You two are an amazing and wild couple and you have made one of my long-time fantasies cum true and for that, I say thank you :)

That's class, from a guy who gets that just showing lust is not enough. You need to stand out. You need to be someone we would enjoy spending time with, that we both can trust, as well as someone my HotWife would enjoy teasing, flirting with.. seducing.

To paraphrase an old Seinfeld episode.. you need to be friend-worthy! Otherwise, why would we spend time with you?

Sexy webcam shows, sexting IMs.. touching and teasing in a bar.. a blow job in a public place.. phone sex..

Get it? Want it? That's what can happen when you have more to say than...
"You're hot. Want to get together sometime"?
Our exploration and relationship with Jack has continued, sometimes with months at a time before chatting or getting together.  More stories of that to follow...

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