Saturday, June 23, 2012

How do Single Males connect with Hot Wife couples?

Recently, we posted this question to a couple of the MFM Forums on Kasidie -
Interested to hear from the Single Males. Have you been successful initiating contact with a Hot Wife, or has the couple contacted you?
What approach do you use to meet Hot Wives?
We received a range of replies, and were pleased to see that some of the experienced SMs echoed what we said in our Tip #6: If you see a woman out with her man, acting like a Hot Wife.. take a chance!

One young SM even said:
"I can usually spot a Hotwife from across the room"
We asked him to elaborate, and he provided these tips that other men should follow:

  • I'll usually see them together having a good time, but notice that she is looking around the room as if she's waiting for someone.
  • I'll catch her eye and she might smile a little, you know, start being all cute just like if she was by herself and wanted me to come over.
  • Then either one of two things will happen:
  1. She might nod towards me for him to look, and he'll look then go back to smiling at her, then I'll just go over and introduce myself and offer THEM a drink. Very important, THEM. Even if you are just interested in the woman, there is still another person there and everyone needs to be comfortable with each other.
  2. He'll go to the bathroom, and she keeps smiling, so I go introduce myself, ask about her husband, if they wouldn't mind a third wheel, etc.. Then he comes back, introduce myself to him, then offer them a drink.
We love this approach! In our case, Leila will often say hello to men when we are out having a drink. So... it should be even easier to engage. I buy her the sexy outfits that she wears, specifically so that I can show her off, and we can both enjoy the reaction of other men. For us, it's an invitation. Leila's smile, her flirtatious manner.. it's part of the game. Don't miss the opportunity!

As another SM told us:
"Its real hot to be approached by a sexy wife, but sometimes ya can't be shy and have to just go for it!"
We would add, never miss the opportunity to "go for it"!

Just last weekend, we were out at a bar, having a few drinks and dancing, where (as usual) I noticed a SM eyeing Leila on the dance floor.  I went to the Men's room, and let Leila know it was OK to chat with him. When I came back, he was nowhere to be found. His loss. Now, I acknowledge that for this particular SM, an MFM may have been the furthest thing from his mind. But, if you are reading this, you must be looking for a Hot Wife interaction, so the
Tip #8 is... Confidence is the key to success!

Hot Wives are no different than single women in this regard. You will often read that confidence is right at the top of women's lists of attractive qualities in a man. One SM told us, "I haven't had ANY luck!" As the old cliche goes, the best Major League Baseball player strikes out 2/3 of the time! Keep trying. And, if you are completely relying on online interactions, get out there and meet some people!

If you do have the opportunity to attend a Lifestyle event as a single male, you still need to go there with confidence.
"Have had the greatest success at live events where a hot wife and I start a chat and find a connection which leads to play."
Most of the Lifestyle venues we have attended have been couples-only, so we enjoy trying to create an opportunity wherever we are. As another SM said, in response to our article on New Connection Energy...
"Being friendly, engaging with others whether sexual in intent or not typically opens doors that lead to positive outcomes. Even to clothes ripping encounters after the fact!"
If you think you are going to go straight from Hello, to the bedroom.. think again.

One of our SM respondents put it this way:
"Nice question, i'd say for me its been 50/50- half I've said hello first and the other half they say hello first, always looking to make new friends."
The better that you get at connecting with couples, and attractive women, the better your chance of connecting with a Hot Wife.

Finally, going back to our 1st SM, this point deserves its own tip:
Tip #9: Always focus on the couple and include both in the conversations.

The most eloquent of our SMs said this:
"It’s mostly the male half making the suggestion. I am very social and I enjoy going to Lifestyle events. I always focus on the couple and include both in the conversations. The guys are very comfortable around me."
This gentleman had several of his own tips to share:
  • "If you go into a lifestyle event with the perception that you’re a “social pariah” people will pick up on that energy and that’s exactly how you will be perceived. It’s a social event not unlike an art opening, a cocktail mixer for networking and nothing more."
  • "Be well dressed, congenial, introduce yourself and strike up conversations with men and women. Get to know the husbands and boyfriends if they’re comfortable with you and like you; it opens up a world of opportunities!"
  • "There are also countless couples who fantasize and desire MFM scenarios."
  • "The lifestyle is not a patriarchy and not all of the women are exclusively bisexual. With certainty, Single males have a significant place in the lifestyle."
  • "Know it, own it and embrace the sensuality and the gifts you bring."
We couldn't have said it any better. Thanks for all who replied. Let's continue the conversation of what works and what does not, in the world of Hot Wife for MFM!

Sunday, June 3, 2012

New Connection Energy

In our last post (Jealousy and Arousal, two sides of the same coin?), we described the concept of New Relationship Energy (NRE). Today, Leila and I were discussing how that description does not exactly capture many of the circumstances where palpable energy from a new attraction occurs, even if it is not overtly sexual. 

We were enjoying a lovely Sunday afternoon of wine tasting, one of our favorite hobbies. The last pair of new wine makers that we met were particularly friendly, and - as is no surprise here in Silicon Valley - besides enjoying wine, we also found that we all share backgrounds working in Hi-Tech.  One of them had a very dry sense of humor. The other was higher energy (and in my assessment more handsome), and I could see that he and Leila were having a great time laughing and getting acquainted. We all chatted for quite a while, sampling their wines, and having a great time. I noticed the way he looked at her, and knew he was really enjoying engaging with such a beautiful and charming woman. He seemed enthralled, and held his gaze with her frequently. 

Leila was dressed very casually, with her hair up and no makeup, but I had told her earlier in the afternoon that I was getting aroused looking at her braless in her tight T-shirt and snug Yoga pants. After a while, after Leila gave him several compliments on his wines, the more jovial of the winemakers was so happy that he came around to the front of his table and put his arm around her, saying "You are my new best friend"! This was all completely innocent and non-sexual, but I have seen other men take the opportunity to make some physical contact with Leila in much the same way. They can't resist, and I don't mind as long as it's not too forward too quickly! 

On the ride home, Leila said, "you know, I don't know what it is, but I found myself attracted to (we'll call him..) Ken" (not his real name).  I told her that I wasn't surprised, because the energy she was generating is precisely what I enjoy so much, especially when we are out and she is dressed to kill, and being more overtly sexual. Clearly she doesn't need to be dressed provocatively for that to come out. Her charm, which Ken responded to, is something I have even heard men respond to over the phone, when they can only imagine what Leila looks like.

Leila said it was interesting because she wasn't physically attracted to Ken, with the way he was dressed in a loud shirt and hat. But she definitely felt a connection, and she couldn't help notice how his eyes lit up when he talked to her. She enjoyed holding Ken's rapt attention as she engaged in conversation.  When I referred to that as new relationship energy, Leila said it wasn't - it was just a connection.  We agreed, she has a great point.  There hadn't been a relationship established, at least not yet. We think that what she and Ken shared should be called New Connection Energy.

One of my my favorite things about Leila, that attracted me to her from the beginning, is that she just exudes that energy. Now, we realize that there are as many different personalities in the lifestyle as there are anywhere, and this is not intended to be boastful. Some people are more shy and reserved, and not as much a "people person" as Leila is. That is true for me as well. If there is a tip in all this, it is summed up in an expression I saw on another Kasidie profile:

Tip #7: Sexual attraction starts with chemistry, not physics. 

Sorry if that's a bit nerdy, but that's our techie side coming out. If you are naturally shy, whether the husband, the Hot Wife, or the Single Male, our suggestion is to try to loosen up a bit! That is something I am still learning from watching Leila. 

You can start in every day encounters, just like this wine tasting. Enjoy the connections you make. Meeting a new person can be fun and interesting. If you find yourself attracted to them, and you start to fantasize about more than just an innocent conversation, it can be even more fun!

In this case, Ken is married, and the talk was all friendly. He showed no intent beyond enjoying the connection in the moment. And boy.. did he ever enjoy it!. I'm sure that the time he spent with Leila just made his day. Even better.. by sharing the experience and our feelings on the ride home, Leila and I both got very aroused! We nearly tore our clothes off racing to the bedroom!

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