Sunday, March 10, 2013

How to be a SM FWB

SM FWB = a Single-Male Friend With Benefits

The truth is, I really don't care very much for the "friend with benefits" designation. It seems to contradict what draws us to explore the "lifestyle" in the first place, which is to be able to express our sexual identities more freely as an integrated part of the whole persons we are.. not something separate. It is that treatment of sexuality as something forbidden, that must be kept in private, that you don't share or talk about even with your friends, that strikes me as so repressive and hypocritical.

To be sure, we are not so liberated that we open up our sexuality to just anybody. We do live in the real world after all, and our culture just doesn't support that notion. So, the ideal will remain just that, perhaps an unachievable one. Nevertheless, we are drawn more to make friends with people who are sex-positive and comfortable in expressing their sexuality however they choose, even if they are more or less adventurous than us.

Though initial attraction can happen very quickly, we are most attracted to the potential of a stronger connection, a friendship with like-minded people. Attraction is never purely physical, and the sexual component is always just one part of that connection.
  • Tip #7: Sexual attraction starts with chemistry, not physics.
So it is for single males in a HotWife MFM situation as well, at least for us. From our experiences,  many SMs apparently don't get that, and they just look at a HotWife as an easy opportunity for sex without the work that goes into having a relationship. I wish I had a dollar for every email that we have received that just says something like, "She's Hot! Want to meet up sometime"?  Nothing about the person, no effort to show us who they are, or that they care who we are.  I've written about this before. Would you approach a single female that way?

The title of this post - "How to be a SM FWB" - embodies a very important tip for SMs. You will be much more likely to have opportunities to enjoy a HotWife, if you behave as the kind of guy that she AND her husband would want as a friend. We know that you would like to have sex with her. Duh! Believe me, there is no shortage of cocks that want my HotWife. Now if you take the extra time to show us that there is an intelligent person attached to yours, you have a much better chance of standing out from the crowd.

We have a great example of how this works to share with you, of a SM we'll call Jack, who exhibited many of the behaviors we have described in our list of tips here. Click on any of the red tips to read the background stories that we published previously:
  • Tip #1: It's not about you!
  • Tip #2: Any woman worth having is worth waiting for.
  • Tip #9: Always focus on the couple and include both in the conversations.
 .. and ..
  • Tip #10: Understand what it means to enjoy HotWives at all of the levels that the "lifestyle" can offer.
We 1st "met" Jack on a lifestyle site one night, when Leila was feeling particularly frisky and decided to chat over webcam... while wearing my favorite sheer black top. (Hint: Our Kasidie friends can enjoy pictures of her from that night in our profile albums). Jack was very appreciative of the hot show she put on, and definitely made the right impression when he wrote to thank us the next day.  There were other guys who enjoyed the show too, but none of them showed the class and intelligence to express their gratitude in such a complimentary fashion.
... the webcam show was steamy, sensual, and oh so naughty indeed.That sheer blouse was such a turn-on, not to mention Leila's luscious lips and radiant smile, everything was so delicious!
After you two left, I had to take matters into my own hand with the thought of touching her through the sheer blouse. Leila, I imagined you reaching out and stroking my hard cock while I tasted your scrumptious firm breasts and you could feel my pre-cum just oozing for attention. I felt your soft yet firm hand on my cock, stroking me with eagerness and anticipation of what's to cum. It wasn't long before I couldn't hold myself back any longer and let go of my lust and cum all over your hand.
From that first online meeting, it would be about 6 weeks before we would meet Jack in person... before he got to experience his fantasy in person. Worth waiting for? I would say so!

In the meantime, Jack and Leila had some very hot fun with sexy chats in Yahoo Messenger.
Jack: so if I may ask, what would your fantasy be when we get together
Leila: so...
Leila: i get really turned on
Leila: turning men on
Leila: just touching them
Jack: OMG, you are a perfect woman
Leila: with my touch, tongue, other parts ;)
Leila: so seeing a man aroused is ..well gets me going
Jack: oooooooh
Jack: that's very sexy
Jack: I would very much like to feel your touch
Leila: so having Mike be inside of me and if I get to touch you - taste you
Leila: YUM
Jack: that's so yummy indeed
Jack: ok I'm hard again :P
Leila: i'm wet -
Jack:  do you mind if I tell you what I'm doing?
Leila:  ohhh please
Jack mmm my cock is out and hard now
Leila:  i like that
Jack:  you have that effect on me :P
Leila:  > :)
Jack: " ""horny"" devil, I like it"
Leila:  ok that is an eviiiil deviiiil
Jack:  me likey
Leila:  lol good
Jack:  I'm stroking slowly as we chat
Leila:  I like that too
Leila:  I want to do that to you
The teasing and online flirting continued, and about a month later we met Jack for drinks at one of our favorite bars... one that had a large parking garage nearby. We all had a great time, and got along very well. After weeks of exquisite yet tortuous foreplay, the buildup of sexual tension demanded a release. So, after enjoying our first meeting in person, the three of us walked back to Jack's car from the bar and Leila got in next to him.

I sat in the back seat as Leila continued her teasing of Jack,  stroking his bulging cock through his pants before sliding down the zipper and taking it in her hand. I watched as she leaned over to take his raging hardon deep into her mouth... giving him the best blow job he ever had (at least until the next time.. <wink>).  Aftwerward, leaving Jack in a daze, Leila and I went home and fucked like animals.  We got Jack on the phone to listen in to the raging passion that Leila would unleash, fantasizing about both him & I fucking her.

Saying last night was memorable is an understatement, I went to bed with a hardon and woke up with a hardon which I had to promptly handle thinking about Leila in my car last night stroking, sucking me.
Then hearing you two going at it on the phone? Leila made me cum 3 times in less than 24 hours! I'm getting another hardon just writing this email!
You two are an amazing and wild couple and you have made one of my long-time fantasies cum true and for that, I say thank you :)

That's class, from a guy who gets that just showing lust is not enough. You need to stand out. You need to be someone we would enjoy spending time with, that we both can trust, as well as someone my HotWife would enjoy teasing, flirting with.. seducing.

To paraphrase an old Seinfeld episode.. you need to be friend-worthy! Otherwise, why would we spend time with you?

Sexy webcam shows, sexting IMs.. touching and teasing in a bar.. a blow job in a public place.. phone sex..

Get it? Want it? That's what can happen when you have more to say than...
"You're hot. Want to get together sometime"?
Our exploration and relationship with Jack has continued, sometimes with months at a time before chatting or getting together.  More stories of that to follow...

1 comment:

  1. Very erotic.Wish I had seen the webcam ,sheer black clothing in my humble opinion is far more sexy than nudity . But that is just me. It would have been very on edge doing that in a car park!
    But I guess that is what the whole "HotWife" thing
    is about,,Confidence and the ability to just go for it.... Thanks for letting me comment and good luck to the "2 HOT LOVERS" If I am going to get while the getting is good I had better get going as my Wife and I plan to
    be in Vegas, Scottsdale, and Palm Springs this winter!!


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