Sunday, June 3, 2012

New Connection Energy

In our last post (Jealousy and Arousal, two sides of the same coin?), we described the concept of New Relationship Energy (NRE). Today, Leila and I were discussing how that description does not exactly capture many of the circumstances where palpable energy from a new attraction occurs, even if it is not overtly sexual. 

We were enjoying a lovely Sunday afternoon of wine tasting, one of our favorite hobbies. The last pair of new wine makers that we met were particularly friendly, and - as is no surprise here in Silicon Valley - besides enjoying wine, we also found that we all share backgrounds working in Hi-Tech.  One of them had a very dry sense of humor. The other was higher energy (and in my assessment more handsome), and I could see that he and Leila were having a great time laughing and getting acquainted. We all chatted for quite a while, sampling their wines, and having a great time. I noticed the way he looked at her, and knew he was really enjoying engaging with such a beautiful and charming woman. He seemed enthralled, and held his gaze with her frequently. 

Leila was dressed very casually, with her hair up and no makeup, but I had told her earlier in the afternoon that I was getting aroused looking at her braless in her tight T-shirt and snug Yoga pants. After a while, after Leila gave him several compliments on his wines, the more jovial of the winemakers was so happy that he came around to the front of his table and put his arm around her, saying "You are my new best friend"! This was all completely innocent and non-sexual, but I have seen other men take the opportunity to make some physical contact with Leila in much the same way. They can't resist, and I don't mind as long as it's not too forward too quickly! 

On the ride home, Leila said, "you know, I don't know what it is, but I found myself attracted to (we'll call him..) Ken" (not his real name).  I told her that I wasn't surprised, because the energy she was generating is precisely what I enjoy so much, especially when we are out and she is dressed to kill, and being more overtly sexual. Clearly she doesn't need to be dressed provocatively for that to come out. Her charm, which Ken responded to, is something I have even heard men respond to over the phone, when they can only imagine what Leila looks like.

Leila said it was interesting because she wasn't physically attracted to Ken, with the way he was dressed in a loud shirt and hat. But she definitely felt a connection, and she couldn't help notice how his eyes lit up when he talked to her. She enjoyed holding Ken's rapt attention as she engaged in conversation.  When I referred to that as new relationship energy, Leila said it wasn't - it was just a connection.  We agreed, she has a great point.  There hadn't been a relationship established, at least not yet. We think that what she and Ken shared should be called New Connection Energy.

One of my my favorite things about Leila, that attracted me to her from the beginning, is that she just exudes that energy. Now, we realize that there are as many different personalities in the lifestyle as there are anywhere, and this is not intended to be boastful. Some people are more shy and reserved, and not as much a "people person" as Leila is. That is true for me as well. If there is a tip in all this, it is summed up in an expression I saw on another Kasidie profile:

Tip #7: Sexual attraction starts with chemistry, not physics. 

Sorry if that's a bit nerdy, but that's our techie side coming out. If you are naturally shy, whether the husband, the Hot Wife, or the Single Male, our suggestion is to try to loosen up a bit! That is something I am still learning from watching Leila. 

You can start in every day encounters, just like this wine tasting. Enjoy the connections you make. Meeting a new person can be fun and interesting. If you find yourself attracted to them, and you start to fantasize about more than just an innocent conversation, it can be even more fun!

In this case, Ken is married, and the talk was all friendly. He showed no intent beyond enjoying the connection in the moment. And boy.. did he ever enjoy it!. I'm sure that the time he spent with Leila just made his day. Even better.. by sharing the experience and our feelings on the ride home, Leila and I both got very aroused! We nearly tore our clothes off racing to the bedroom!


  1. I agree completely, that life energy you wrote of is everything. A person can be physically attractive, but if that energy and personality isn't there, they've got nothing. That energy makes people very magnetic and attractive. I love women like Leila, they exude that energy. I tend to mirror that energy when I come across it, and with the right person it will amplify. Conversely, a cold person can make things unfun and zap your energy.

    Back when I was doing more social activities, I'd often do lots of harmless flirting with the ladies, most of whom were in relationships. They always appreciated it and in my mind I think it improved things between them and their partners. After all, what person wouldn't feel good at the end of the night if someone had been flirting with them and making them feel good inside?

    BTW, the mental picture of Leila braless in a t-shirt and yoga pants...very nice!!

  2. The Mrs is sooo uninterested in the 'physics' of a potential 'friend''s all about how he makes her feel!



Thanks for your comment!

Use this box to send us an email.
You can also text 80-2Hot-7129!


Email *

Message *